Heartburn
If you were looking for heart, well then you'd better look somewhere else. Keep your hands off my girl. A heartburn, or, if you're not lazy, the proper name for it would be Miocardial inflamation probably, and that's probably the name that Wikipedia has for its article on heartburn. But anyway, yeah, so pretty much, it's a sensational feeling, just like a panic attack, that is stimulating to the mind, and, ehm, other stuff....related to that. If you've ever talked to someone who's had a heartburn, though, it's most likely because they don't take the trash out when they're supposed to. So if you don't take out the trash when you're supposed to, then you're likely going to have Math homework uh, heartburn. Or you could just watch a Dane Cook video on YouTube. That'll give it to you. What it's like Heartburns can be associated with heart attacks, even though only a dumbass would associate the term with it. So many doctors and ambulance people have to rush to the hospital and go to the ER because of a heartburn that you will obviously live through. That's happened so much that when you call 9-1-1 and say that you're having a heart attack, they often ask you if you're sure you're having one and if you could hold for about 20 minutes so they can consider getting you an ambulance that will slowly drive towards your home/trailer/wherever the fuck you live. What happens When you have a heartburn, well, pretty much, all that happens is that there is a dragon that lives in your throat and he eats everything that you eat but sometimes he gets mad because your mom feeds him broccoli all the time so you get heartburn from eating broccoli. Other wrong theories often suggest that, as proposed by Albert Einstein, "the body reacts quickly to sulfuric acid that is trapped inside and is forced upwards and out of your esophagus, causing your esophogus to have a painful—" but then some guy shot him and he had a heartburn. Heart attack. Whatever. Prevention Heart burns are caused not only by the dragon that lives in your neck (some scientists incorrectly say that it's your "Adam's apple" instead of the dragon, but they're wrong) but they are also caused by heartburn poison, which exists in many common foods that you probably don't eat, such as wood, metal, and oxygen. But seriously, there is NO way to prevent heartburn, because it is obviously going to happen at some point in your life and you can''not'' deny it or you'll go to hell. Yeah that's right. Hell. Surgery Difficulty It is now possible, thanks to the invention of steroids, to remove, via surgery, the dragon that sits in your throat and eats the food you eat, but it takes a whole lot of hard work and is said to be harder surgery to perform than what a brain surgeon goes through on a daily basis. But surgery can be very painful, too, because most doctors are on crack (intoxicated) when they're performing surgery on people so they tend to mess up and they also forget to numb your neck so you end up feeling a whole bunch of pain. Price It costs about $6 (easy payments of $61.99) to get surgery on it, and about seventy more to get the dragon killed, because otherwise the dragon will take out an AK-47 and start attacking the hospital before finally taking out a grenade and blowing the shithole up. So it's a careful precedure that requires a whole bunch of money and effort gone into it and.... :"It's just always been a whole bunch of trouble, the scientists and doctors trying to get that dragon that's been sitting in my throat for all these years." :— Sylvester Stallone, in 2006. Common foods that contain heartburn poison *Esparagus *Human *Water *um... *Snake *Aligator See also *Dane Cook